WHY PEOPLE CHEAT IN A RELATIONSHIP

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There are many reasons why people cheat. Everyone knows that cheating is wrong in a relationship but if you will stick to this article and read every line to the last word, you will discover the risk factors why people cheat…. Especially Men.

We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but it’s important to point out up front that a partner doesn’t cause their spouse to cheat. Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating.

More than 45% of Nigerians engage in infidelity, even highly respected clergymen and politicians. As you can see, the percentage is high and their is need for a solution.

It is painful and really a scary stuff.

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Without much ado, let’s delve into the reasons people cheat in a relationship.

Firstly,

Dissatisfaction:

Dissatisfaction with the relationship either emotionally or sexually is common. Relationship is work, and without mutual nurturing the partners involved may grow apart. A sexless relationship (I mean Marriage) is often claimed as a reason for cheating by both men and women.

Lack of emotional satisfaction in a primary relationship can be a serious challenge. Seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy.

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Disconnection

One of the most common reasons for infidelity is the feeling that you and your partner have drifted apart. In this case, cheating can feel like a way of finding something new and exciting when your relationship has become predictable and familiar. A sense of disconnection from one’s partner can happen for a variety of reasons. There may be a lack of proper communication in the relationship (talking about specific issues or just generally keeping in touch about how you feel). Or life may have become dominated by work or looking after kids, so time together has become more functional than loving.

Feeling unloved

In counselling, we often use the term ‘love languages’ to describe how people express affection to one another. Some partners communicate more verbally by saying nice things, whereas others might prefer to express affection physically by cuddling or kissing. If your love language is different to your partners, that can leave you feeling unloved – and potentially more open to the affections of someone who seems to understand you better.

Imbalance

If there’s a lack of balance in a relationship, one partner can begin to feel a bit like a parent and the other like a child. For example, one partner may feel like they have to be the responsible one, making all the decisions, organising the home, managing the finances and so on, while their partner doesn’t pull their weight. An affair might then be tempting in order to feel appreciated and equal. Equally, the partner in the ‘child’ position may feel criticised and as if nothing they do seems to be enough, meaning an affair might feel like a way of reclaiming some sense of independence and authority.

Secondly,

Revenge.

If one partner has had an affair or has damaged the partner in some way, the offended partner may feel a need for revenge resulting in an affair.

In a relationship that is already suffering, the desire to hurt a partner who is (or is perceived as) cheating seems to raise the stakes significantly from mere lack of intimacy. Hollywood enjoys exploiting this category (think “American Beauty”), but in reality very few participants cited this as the main cause of their affairs.

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Thirdly,

Body Aging:

Illustrated frequently by stories of middle-aged men having an affair with women the age of their daughters, cheating may sometimes be a way for a man (or woman) to prove that they still “have it.”

Hand in hand with these thoughts, a partner may cast blame for their own indiscretions by claiming that their partner has “let himself/herself go.”

Lastly,

Feeling Unappreciated:

This can be very dangerous to your relationship.

Feeling unvalued or neglected can lead to infidelity in both sexes, but is more common in women. When both partners work, women still often carry the brunt of the work when it comes to caring for the home and children. In this situation, the affair validates the person’s sense of worthiness.

On the flip side of this, however, is that feeling neglected may be related to unrealistic expectations of a partner rather than true neglect.

Lack of appreciation causes Boredom.

As noted, boredom can lead to an affair in both men and women who are looking for the thrill of the chase and the excitement and passion associated with newfound love. Some people claim that, rather than looking for a substitute for their partner, their fling is a way to spice up their marriage.

Falling out of love is also frequently cited as a reason for cheating, but maybe a lack of understanding of the normal maturing of love in marriage.

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