Marriage, especially in Nigeria and Africa is considered as a sacred institution. But due to development and age gap, youngsters and parents often have a differing take on marriage.
Few of the parents have confined themselves into the handcuffs of society, tradition, rituals, culture and religion.And when such parent’s children want to get married to their choice of man/woman, the quarrel begins.
It can be devastating when you think you’ve found Mr. or Ms. Right and your parents think he or she is all wrong for you. If you’re close to your parents, you want their approval when taking this big step, but you also want to remain loyal to the person you’re committing to spending the rest of your life with.
But In as much as respecting the advises of our parents is very important, it is more important to marry who we truly love and who loves us back.
In this post, we look at how to deal with your parents who aren’t agreeing to a man/woman of your choice for marriage, and how to convince them.
- Show your Parents That You Respect Them
Either directly or indirectly give them a clue, you must let your parents know that there is someone special in your life
Do not commit the mistake of keeping your relationship hidden because if you do so then it will hurt your parents. As it is, Nigerian parents assume that they have a big role to play in the love affairs of their sons or daughters. You need to show them respect and trust by sharing your feelings with them.
- Share your views with your parents concerning marriage
You must make it a point to share your views about marriage with your parents. Let them know what matters to you the most like your partner’s educational qualification; character etc. Also let them know the things that do not bother you at all like age difference, caste, economic status etc.
Sometimes a debate may surface, but you and your parents can come to a amicable consensus. This way you will also know how rigid they are.
This way they will know what you want and perhaps will be more open to the possibility of a love marriage.
Always act in a responsible and mature manner so that your parents can trust your decision making ability. For example, take a leading role in solving any problems facing the family; lending a helping hand to your parents when required. No one would trust the judgment of someone who appears immature and irresponsible.
Proving them time and again that you are dependable, rational and sensible will increase their confidence in you and they will probably be able to accept your love marriage easily.
But Don’t criticize your parents. Belittling them, comparing your behavior to theirs, and otherwise insulting them will not change their mind and is not your role as a respectful and loving child.
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3.Make your parents see the best in your partner
For this, you must talk to your parents and let them know why your partner is the perfect life partner for you. Highlight the good qualities of your partner in front of your parents as much as possible. Make sure when you do that, you talk about those positive character of your fiance that interest your parents.
Never complain to your family about her. Unless breaking up is what you want to do. If you ever complain to your family about her personality quirks, they would dislike her. When you bring her up again later in a better mood, they will not have forgotten the injury or emotional wound you had told them about. Until they have established their own solid relationship with her, keep your comments about her positive.
You can even propose a meeting between your partner and your parents so that they can meet him/her and get rid of all their doubts. For this, if you can coach your partner about the goods and the bads, he or she may be able to put their best foot forward confidently.
Explain to your parents why he/she is perfect for you. Tell them why YOU like her, why you LOVE her, and in your view, wants to make him the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
- Take the help of close friends and relatives
Those relatives and friends who are in favour of love marriages can help you convince your parents easily. This will work wonders if someone from your family has had a love marriage and is happy in his/her married life. You can also take cues from them, plus you can also talk about them generally to your parents to get an idea what they think of the whole episode.
An example of a successful love marriage in your family itself will help you make your point more confidently.
Better still, take the help of one parent over another.
You will obviously be close to one of your parent, by now you have mixed up in a good way with your parents and there is one of them (it could be your mom or your dad) that loves and understands you better.
So you must make an extra effort to convince that one parent first because deep down, he/she loves and understands you a lot. After convincing the parent who is close to you, half the battle will be won. Then you can take that parent’s help to talk to your other parent. But make sure this does not create barriers between your mother and father.
- Keep fighting and do not give up
If you truly love your partner and want to spend the rest of your life with him/her then you have to keep fighting for your love. Despite the obstacles your parents create, you have to remain dedicated to your love and do not give up at any cost.
Your parents will do everything they can to pressurize you and convince you to meet someone else and forget about your partner. But you have to be loyal to your partner and turn down any suggestions of meeting someone else. Be persistent so that your parents realize that you truly love your partner.
Success rates and statistics do not paint a good picture for love marriages. But this should not dishearten you. Make such an effort that you are able to convince your parents and even change their mindset. Hopefully, your parents will come around and respect your decision. So we hope you are able to fight the good fight against the prejudices regarding love marriages in Africa.