Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing.
You need to be careful, Divorce is painful. Loosing out entirely on someone you love is a scary stuff because it kills the spirit.
Marriage takes patience and understanding from both partners to make it work. However, there are time when a couple feels that they can no longer tolerate each other and would rather part ways and get a divorce.
Researchers claim that the number of divorces is growing in Nigeria. The range of reasons why people break apart after a long-term or a short-term marriage are numerous and no way special or very much different from those in other countries. However, I have separated the most common ones.
These reasons are the most frequent and seen to be the factors that are impossible to put up with. The point is that Nigerian people who strongly believe in the sacredness of the marriage ritual would never break apart due to some minute misunderstanding. So, the list of the most common divorce causes can be named the list of the most unbearable things in the married life.
Let’s check out what they tend to name among the most frequent reasons why people break their marriages.
- Not being prepared for marriage
A hugh number of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s.
Young people think that they are prepared for everything when their bodies reach physical maturity but their minds are still infantile. This is why they often tend to get married by impulse, being totally unprepared.
The lack of emotional, psychological, and even intellectual preparation before getting married is one of the most common reasons why marriages fail. No understanding of the obligations, responsibility, care, and communication causes a complete mismatch.
It’s necessary to prepare the youths and explain to them why they should never hurry to get married but, sadly, it’s practically impossible to make them wait, learn, and be patient. Education and explanation are the only way to fight this first cause of divorce.
Quite often, young people don’t give themselves enough time to get to know each other better before getting married. They simply meet, feel the attraction, and decide that they are in love. Without the period of dating and courting, they have no chance of getting to know the characters, habits, and life views of each other.
The courting time allows young sweethearts to find out whether they are truly in love, whether their tempers match each other, and also what the HIV status of the partner is. Whether he or she is fertile or sterile, and so on. All these things can be vital for a marriage.
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce.
The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”.
When two people get married, it is a big step because both are from different backgrounds and might find it difficult to trust each other. This might seem normal at the beginning but if it persists, then it can create serious problems in the marriage and eventually lead to divorce when there is no more trust between the couple.
The togetherness shared in marriages is part of what keeps the spark alive. Being married to somebody means being tied to this somebody and sharing everything with this person. The spousal infidelity is one of the most common causes of divorce in many countries around the world, not only in Nigeria. It’s very hard if possible to forgive and forget the pains caused by a cheating partner.
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. “Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples.
- Lack of Communication And Intimacy.
Good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage . Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage.
Openness in your communication is vital in marriage. Discussing complicated issues, finding mutual points of view on the ways of bringing up children, running the household, spending money, and so on makes a lot of sense for a couple. Small problems that are kept silent tend to grow into bigger and finally huge problems.
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, then know that over time it can become the ground for divorce. Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
Nigerians have a very special attitude towards children. A marriage that stays childless for more than two years is often treated with anxiety. Women who have no children in marriage are often blamed for being infertile even if the problem is from the man. It can be a very big problem.
It happens often that a partner hides the fact of their infertility from the other side, knowing about it before their marriage. Of course, when the truth comes up, the marriage collapses because of the trust issues.
- Lack of compatibility
The physical draw is often treated as love, and it’s one of the biggest mistakes young spouses tend to make. They discover that their natures, intellects, emotions, and habits are incompatible only when they are already married. The time of the first passion is over, and the reality dawns on them.
Incompatibility is one of the reasons couples divorce after decades of marriage.
Also, Mismatch of ages
A man of 42 who marries a girl of 20 years is not very much uncommon. However, he should keep in mind that soon, he will be an aging man while she will be a woman in the bloom of her beauty and her prime. The same is about a man of, say, 30 who marries a woman of 40: she has only a couple of years to conceive a baby.
The biggest and most healthy difference in age should be at most five years, experts say, and it’s necessary to make sure that the partner doesn’t forge their birth date.
- Domestic violence
It’s sad to admit that there are still abusers in Nigeria who practice domestic violence on their spouses and children. Cruelty and disrespect, violence and humiliations….including beating – these are the sad reasons many marriages in Nigeria fail at any stage.
This is one of the most serious problems with marriages, which demands special attention and a complex approach to be solved.
Are the grounds for divorce in Nigeria really substantial?
Yes, they are but they can be easily fought with enough devotion and patience. It’s necessary to educate future spouses, explain everything about their responsibilities to their partners and their children, and prepare them thoroughly. Understanding the reasons is already the way towards victory.